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Follow @FatherEricF Self-Doubt There, just beneath the reflection of applause and acclaim; there, not quite within the glare of commendation; there, just outside the illumination of honor and praise; there, in the shadow not the glow of admiration. There; that is where (you think) you’ll find it. But you don’t find it, you feel it. Poking you, a thorn in your side; jabbing you, a pea under a hundred mattresses. No one feels it but you. It’s your thorn in …

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Follow @FatherEricF The Lump I find myself on the verge . . . . surveying a field of scarlet agony, an emotional landscape clutching me, drawing me down, like Psyche’s dragon with talons sharp as sarcasm, pointed as wit, dry as tears of dusty years gone by when I was not looking. I find myself on the shore . . . . wading in the rolling whitecaps of insecurity, a sea of misgiving drowning me, tearing my soul like Prometheus’ …

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Follow @FatherEricF Marriage: Early Morning Morning, gray mist, caressing warm mug, rich coffee steam, senses alert but soothed, peaceful moment, quiet moment, almost, not quite, silent, like a kitten softly purring. Clank of glass! Clink of china! Rattle of flatware! Slam of dishwasher door! Why must she do this now? Every nerve jarred and stretched like a rubber band just before it breaks. My ears hurt! How could two people have such different rhythms after decades together? “Please,” I want …

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garden outside – A Poem – 9 September 2014

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Follow @FatherEricF garden outside gentle movement, japanese maple weeping red maroon tears outside my window further on gray boulder pachyderm sleeping hunched untouched by breezes slow tall brown grass, weeds elegant, nearby swaying like wheat and tares of scripture’s tale rose bush, heat spent, nods as if praying telling its beads with silent wail autumn garden, botanical sclerosis, ends its season dusty and gray brittle, the stems that once held posies dreaming of spring, so far away – by C …

 

God Damn! – A Poem – September 7, 2014

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Follow @FatherEricF God Damn! I said it! I said it from the pulpit! Into the ears of little-old-ladies-with-blue-hair; into the ears of young-fathers-with-first-grade-children; into the ears of strait-laced-conservative-young-business-women into the ears of unexpecting parishioners who never believed they would hear “God damn” from the pulpit. It was, I said, in a poem and I wanted to honor the poet and the poet’s decision to be true to the poet’s vision. Treat it, I said, as a teaching moment about the …

 

Discontinue – August 28, 2014

Follow @FatherEricF I quit publishing Daily Office reflections a week ago and no one seems to have noticed. I’m discontinuing this experiment in biblical meditation for the present.

 

My Early Life in Sports – A Poem – August 22, 2014

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Follow @FatherEricF My Early Life in Sports She called it a ball (my grandmother did) but it wasn’t a ball not to my mind this “ball” was shaped like a large walnut or a small egg it wasn’t round to my mind a ball is round except, of course, the oblong oddly-shaped pigskin my brother would toss in the yard and play “flag” with his friends and tell me I couldn’t play because I was too little and too young …

 

We Should Think . . . – From the Daily Office – August 21, 2014

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Follow @FatherEricF From the Acts of the Apostles: An angel of the Lord said to Philip, “Get up and go towards the south to the road that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza.” (This is a wilderness road.) So he got up and went. (From the Daily Office Lectionary – Acts 8:26-27a (NRSV) – August 21, 2014) I suppose that if “an angel of the Lord” told me to “get up and go” that I’d do as Philip did, even …

 

Anglo? Israel? What Is Truth? – From the Daily Office – August 20, 2014

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Follow @FatherEricF From the Psalter: “Greatly have they oppressed me since my youth,” let Israel now say; “Greatly have they oppressed me since my youth, but they have not prevailed against me.” The plowmen plowed upon my back and made their furrows long. (From the Daily Office Lectionary – Psalm 129:1-3 (BCP Version) – August 20, 2014) Truth, United States Senator Hiram Johnson observed in 1917, is the first casualty of war. When war becomes nearly universal is truth in …